A few weeks ago, I went to my counselor.

As we talked, she noticed that I am a very “visual” person. She thought it might help me to express some of my trapped emotions and feelings, through art. I have done a ton of writing (on my blog) to get my “guts” out. For me, art (particularly painting) is a different kind of emotional release. It is much more… freeing.

I took her assignment pretty seriously, and I have been trying to paint almost every day. I want to try and get what is inside… OUT. I might be painting for a long while, because I have almost ten years of feelings and experiences with grief (and other emotions) to sift through and release as they come to my mind.

By painting and expressing emotion this new way, I am able to tangibly “get it out” of my head and heart, put it on paper, and then set it on the shelf, rather than trapped inside me. This has been working wonders for my heart and mind, and clearing up valuable mental real estate for other things… like the college classes I am taking.

Sometimes, I will just be lying down at night, and an image or idea will come to me. I hold onto the image in my head, and then… I just go for it. The more I paint… the more ideas “flow” into my mind. It feels kind of… magical?

Here is my little painting corner of my “office.” Johnathan loves to be creative too… painting with his head, maybe I should try that?! 😉

I am not a skilled painter or artist. I have not taken real art classes, besides elementary school art, and that’s about where my skills remain. I do love a good Bob Ross show every now and then. And someday I might venture off into more skills beyond emotional-guts imagery. I cannot draw a straight line to save my life.

I DO, however, love to paint… and because I DO paint… that makes me a painter. 😉

I am going to share a little “gallery” of the paintings I have done the last few weeks. Just keep in mind they are meant to express emotion and feeling, not technical skill… so don’t judge me that way, deal?

My hope is also to help others by being vulnerable and sharing my unskilled gut-artwork.

Don’t be afraid to TRY new things. Don’t be afraid to make a mess while trying!

I will keep painting… and learning, and growing… and HEALING.

Death and divorce has really taken a toll on me, but I will always fight against the dark.

Always.

Right now, I am “fighting” with a paintbrush in my hand.

Much love,

Mari

*These paintings are not to be used without permission. But please feel free to share this post.

CLICK ON THE IMAGES FOR CAPTIONS…