Holidays can be really hard after losing your spouse.

Everything just feels kind of… empty… and broken.

I remember the first Halloween, back in 2014, after Charles died. I wanted so desperately to enjoy it, and I wanted my children to enjoy it, because my family LOVES the holidays.

But it was hard to enjoy Halloween… or anything really.

I was shocked by how seeing gravestones and skeletons everywhere really, really, bothered me that year.

I would see a headstone in someone’s yard, and I would be triggered back to thinking of the day and moment that Charles died.

I also would have horrible thoughts the first few years, about the state of Charles’ physical body, after him being buried. (I apologize if I just triggered someone.) But it was real, and the thoughts were REALLY, really difficult, and Halloween decorations did not help with morbid thinking. (I no longer have these thoughts or feelings, thank goodness!)

I think the best thing to do during the holidays, after a traumatic experience — especially if it is your first year of widowhood, or divorce, or some other life-impact event — the best thing to do is have grace for yourself, and take it easy.

But, if you have children, and if you can muster the strength… it is good to try and “go through the motions” for them.

Holidays can be very important to children, and childhood only happens once.

So, even if it is hard to be creative, or do special things for Halloween… a tiny bit of effort can go a REALLY long way for children.

Here are some very simple things you can do to “set the mood” for taking-it-easy Halloween holiday moments.

The children will appreciate and remember small-effort-moments…

Some easy “Halloween-Mood” Ideas:

Clean the house (just a little)

Turn down the lights

Light moody candles

Turn on spooky music

Watch the Disney Haunted Mansion ride on Youtube

Read a fun Halloween story, in a dark room, with candles lit

Watch a Halloween movie, snuggled in thick cozy blankets

Make a sweet treat… or just get some ice cream and put Halloween candy on it… or you can throw it in a blender, too.

Go for a drive and look at Halloween decorations, while listening to Halloween music

Carve pumpkins with kid-friendly carving tools

Draw or color Halloween pictures (there are lots of printable color pages online)

Take a Halloween nap

The holidays are hard after death, and divorce, too.

There is an edge of empty-ache, as you long for what is not there anymore.

And that’s okay.

But a little effort… goes a long way… to create memories that last a lifetime.

Keep it simple, but still keep it.

You might just feel twinges of joy if you do. 🙂

Here are some pictures from that first Halloween without Charles…

It’s been 10 Halloweens without Charles… and I still miss him like CRAZY!