I sat with someone in a leadership position, and I was seeking some guidance and counsel for my life.

I had been a widow for a few years, and I was really, really, struggling at the time.

I was in what I would call my “dark days,” where everything felt very bleak and desperate. I needed some help, and mostly… I needed some comfort and hope.

As I explained my situation, my concerns, and heartache… he said:

“Well, AT LEAST you don’t have it as bad as a lady I know who is going through a divorce.”

Hmmmmm…

Nope. Nope.

Please… NO.

Ouch… pain… piled on top of more pain.

An extra arrow was shot into my already wounded widow heart.

My throat began to tighten, my heart began to pound, and my tears ran hot down my pink burning cheeks.

I do not remember what I said in response, but I do remember rushing out to my car, so I could cry my guts out all over the steering wheel.

I cried all the way home.

I cannot think of the right circumstance when saying “AT LEAST” to someone, is EVER a comfort.

And comparing someone’s pain, to another person’s trials, is NOT even close to comforting… it is cutting and it burns.

I have had many people say, “At least you know you will be with your husband again.”

Also… nope… not comforting.

I want him with me now… not just later.

There are seriously long lists of things to say, and not to say, to people who are suffering…

But this one — AT LEAST — we can remedy this one, without too much work.

If you are talking to someone who is struggling, and the words “at least” seem like a good plan, please instead say something like:

I am so sorry, that sounds so hard.

At least… we can learn, and grow, and do better.

I know I need to do better.

At least I can keep trying. 😉