I am sorry if this feels repetitive… but I am still painting my “guts” out.

It has been months now since I began the journey of emotionally releasing, through art.

As I have been painting, it has helped me to recognize just how much creativity is part of my soul, and how much of a visual person I really am. I learn and understand deep things visually, and also through music. Writing is also a way for me to “see” what’s on the inside, by getting it out. That is why I would blog and write so often, and why I still write a lot on other forums. It is a visual and visceral way for me to understand the world, and my place in it.

It is a NEED, not just a desire to create. I feel unfulfilled if I am not creating in some form. It has been empowering to realize that, and claim creativity as part of who I am… and part of what drives me, and my passions.

I do not know how long I will continue painting so frequently, but I hope to simply have my paintbrushes there as a resource, and a way to release whatever I might be feeling, or just to have a creative outlet. I have my paints and creative corner set up and ready to go at all times, so it is always an available and easy thing to access. Sometimes I take many hours, and sometimes I take maybe one hour to complete a painting. It just depends on my mood and time available.

For me, it is so much more than just slapping colors and images on a canvas. As I paint, I am also being taught… about myself, my feelings, grief, healing, and sometimes very deep and impactful spiritual things.

Painting can be a very spiritual experience. It opens and ignites a different part of my brain, and it has been so nice to open up that part of me and see what’s inside. I go into a “flow” state, where my brain quiets down, and the world stands still. It is very therapeutic, for me.

I like to paint mostly at night, after the kids go to sleep and it is quiet.

Peace, quiet, and paint… yes, please! I often turn on beautiful music while I paint, too.

So, I want to put all the paintings I have done over the last few months in one place. It is interesting to take a look at them all together, and see the emotional progression. (Take a look at the gallery below…)

What I see is that I am healing… but there’s always BOTH pain and joy in the journey. They dwell together… the light, and the dark. I often would want to paint and express a total utter darkness feeling… but when I tried… there was always a light that would STILL shine through, even in the darkest of moments.

That is the Spirit, and the Light that comes from the Savior.

He is always there, in ALL of the moments.

And that — the opposition of light and darkness, joy and pain — is what makes life so richly beautiful.

(These painting are from December 2023 – March 2024.)