I was once known as Mari Lindquist.

And then I married Charles van Ormer, on December 4th, 1999. That is when Charles and I became “we.”

That was the day our van Ormer family was created, and sealed together in the temple, for time and eternity… FOREVER!

I spent 15 years with him, and I have spent 9 years without him.

Time is such an interesting thing as it passes, day by day… ever closer, yet still so far away.

I am so grateful for the choice that we both made together, to be married and have a family. We were so young. I was just 19, and he was 22, but our youth made us work hard, as we held onto hope for the future that we both wanted to create together.

Some of our main goals were to have a happy marriage, beautiful children, continued education, a welcoming home, and to serve the Lord and His children.

We accomplished those goals together.

Charles is currently not dwelling in the mortal realm… but I still try to live in such a way that he would be proud of me. My goals are still the same, as our original goals.

This year, I did not feel the sting of pain that anniversaries and other important dates sometimes bring. I have felt Charles really close lately, in powerful ways, especially when I am with all of my children.

When our family gathers… Charles comes. He would not miss a chance for us all to be together. His presence is felt, in the love and joy of our family.

Today, I am just grateful… so grateful… for the life and family that we built together.

I am so grateful for Charles, and his example to me, of how to love and be loved.

If there is one thing that stands out to me… one thing that Charles taught me it was:

Charity.

The pure love of Christ.

Charles was a master of charity.

He was filled with the love of his fellowman. And I admired him so much for his ability to love others.

I miss Charles. A lot. I don’t quite have words to express my longing for him. There really are NO words.

I did write a little poem a while back, and I wanted to share it here… words are so basic when trying to describe the feelings of the heart… but… here are some small words.

Hello, my love,

It’s me.

Do you miss me?

I miss you.

It has been too long

Since I have held you.

Do you miss holding me, too? 

When you died, my heart was shattered.

Did your heart shatter as well?

Are you watching over me,

Does grief feel to you like hell?

Why has our love been parted?

By the flesh and spirit gate.

How long it seems to me,

Has it felt long for you to wait? 

It is cold on earth without you.

Is it warmer where you are?

When I look up at the dark night,

Are you under the same stars?

I miss you my love, I want you.

How much longer must I wait?

The clock keeps ticking on here,

Do you look forward to our next date?

I cannot wait to see you, darling. 

I long for your eternal embrace. 

Until that time I will keep living,

But, please, my love, save me a space. 

Oh how I miss this beautiful man…