I love to write.

I have been blogging since 2006.

In a world of Tik-Tok, Insta-everything and fast-paced social media, it is important to still SLOW DOWN.

Blogs are like content-filled books, compared to the digital sticky notes that flash across the screen, to grab our attention.

I have a slow-moving kind of brain-train. I need to slow down my mind, with a blank canvas of my own. I prefer a blank page for me to fill, rather than allowing a million images, opinions, and thoughts of other people to bombard the limited space in my brain.

Writing — and blogging in particular — is a way to release all the swirling thoughts in my mind, and slow them down to a calming pace.

It is a way for me to receive revelation and clarity, and inspiration.

If I try to sort things out in my head without writing, it gets all muddled and jumbled up, and I cannot make much sense of it.

I make a lot of lists, and notes, and it just helps me to visually SEE what I feel through the written (mostly typed) word.

I was reading in the scriptures the other day, and I came across this passage:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a SOUND MIND.”

A sound mind.

Yes, please.

That sounds nice. 😉

For me, I receive less fear, more power, and soundness, when I WRITE it OUT.

That is part of the purpose of this blog.

It is a place for me to get out what is inside of me, so that I can dig in, and continue healing what needs healing.

Healing will be a daily and lifelong journey, because that is just how it works.

Grief is something I have to continue to learn how to carry with me, it doesn’t disappear.

I lost a piece of my life and heart that shook the foundation of my whole world and family, and still does.

Time does not heal everything.

Therapy and counseling doesn’t heal everything.

For me, writing helps me unleash the grief and allows me to put it somewhere.

And it feels… good. Really good.

A magical hue sometimes envelopes me as I write, and it is perhaps when I find the most joy and purpose in my life, outside of the joy of my family. I often write about my family, and that is when I feel incredible gratitude and joy for our life and memories together.

So, for those who have ventured to this blog… when I dump some tough and hard feelings here, do not worry about me. It is good. It is healthy.

It means, I am working through it, I am healing, and moving forward, by letting my stuff go somewhere.

It is when I stop writing... that is when you should maybe worry about me.

One last thing, last night, I dreamt about Charles.

I haven’t dreamt about him in a while.

We were at the little house — we are always at the little house when I dream — and we were trying to convince the new owners of the house to move out, so we could move back in.

It felt so strange. But it also felt like I had the desire to go back, and to remember… the good times.

To remember what it was like when we were father, mother, children… all under one, tiny, little, magical roof.

I miss that.

So much.

I miss Charles, so much.

He was so alive in my dream.

I cannot wait until he is alive again.

He was my best friend.

And the best husband, and father, ever.

I am so grateful for the time that I had with him, and that he is my husband forever.

*Here are some pictures from the little house in Boise, Idaho. It needed massive work done to it, and little by little we kept improving it. There are so many more memories and pictures… but oh these were the best of times together! All 6 of us lived in a 2 bedroom house, with 1 bathroom, that was 900 sqft. Charles and I even slept in bunkbeds to make it work for a while. Crazy times. There was such beauty in living simple.

I am so grateful that I have my family forever. And that there is an eternity more of memories to be made.