“To smile, or not to smile,” that is the question we all must ask ourselves. 

Smiling can be a very difficult thing when our hearts are heavy and the tasks before us seem insurmountable. 

But we do not have to push away our sadness and grief to still feel joy. We are more likely to feel greater joy if we do not try to bury or hide our pain. Sadness and joy are actually very good friends, and we need to experience both, in order to feel whole. 

Ingrid Lee stated:

In reality, feeling more joy doesn’t mean eliminating sadness from our vocabulary. Paradoxically, it might mean feeling our sadness more deeply. This is because when we numb ourselves to avoid feeling so-called negative emotions, we end up also blunting our capacity to feel positive ones. One example of this is bracing, where we end up holding back from joy because we’re so afraid of the disappointment or loss we might feel when it ends.

When we feel deep sadness or loss, it makes us appreciate what (and who) we have in our lives. Grieving a loved one can increase our gratitude for the time we had with that person, and make us more present to our loved ones who are still with us. And feeling deep sorrow can provide a valley against which we will measure the heights of our future joy.

In my family, we have tried many different activities and experiences to help us feel both our sadness and our joy.

One thing that has been very meaningful to us has been taking trips and seeing the glory of God’s creations. We have gone back to my hometown in Alaska to see the mountains and glaciers and moose. We have been to the Oregon Coast to smell the refreshing rain near the ocean while picking up seashells. We have traveled to the magnificent Redwoods to gaze up at their grandeur and hug the ginormous trees. We have been to Arizona to see the sunsets in the desert. And we traveled to Utah to see and soak in the love of our family. 

I can remember our first trip back to Disneyland after Charles died, it is a place we have always loved as a family, and I wondered if I would be able to just let loose and feel excitement and happiness. I was worried I wouldn’t, but I was shocked to find that my experience returning there felt like all of my senses were heightened, and my memories of past and pleasant experiences flooded back wrapped in warm feelings of love and appreciation. The sights were more wonderful, the food tasted more fantastic, the smell of churros was more intoxicating, the rides were more exciting, and the fireworks were more romantic and magical… I just felt like I was fully alive because of the presence of both sadness and joy. 

I have tried to embrace and experience both emotions of sadness and joy, and it has made all the difference in my world. 

Another thing that really helped our family with daily healing was painting. We went and bought a bunch of canvases and paints in bulk, and we spent hours and hours during the summer painting – mostly Disney scenes – but there was a sense of emotional release that came from being creative. It was… healing and freeing to find a creative outlet.

Doctor Shelly Carson said:

Loss and creativity are two essential parts of the human experience, and when we experience loss personally… 

creativity might just be the best way out. 

I believe in the power of being creative and daily healing. We are not going to suddenly arrive at being “all healed” from grief or sorrow… but we can do daily things that help with our daily peace, satisfaction, joy, and contentment. 

We are made to create, each in different and unique ways. As we put our hands and hearts to work creating something that did not exist before, we can feel joy, because being creative is part of our purpose here on earth. 

For our family, music has also been a major source of healing. Some of my children love to sing and perform, and some of my children just like to go for drives in the car and listen to good music. Music is a powerful way to feel all the emotions… and to help us feel joy and sadness, sometimes at the same time. 

It is possible to smile and cry at the same time. Seeking out ways to be creative and finding ways to explore the beautiful world and still be fully alive, will help with daily healing and daily moments of happiness and joy. 

It is okay to smile when your heart is breaking. 

It is okay to still feel happiness, even when you are sad. 

It is okay to blend your tears with your smile.