(Written October 5, 2023.)

I have decided to do what so many have encouraged me to do.

I am giving up on finding love again, and focusing fully on my family and my education/career.

I wasn’t actively looking for love again — it is too soon after divorce — but I was open to it and hoping for it eventually.

I believe in love. I always have. I always will.

But after some extensive personal pondering, I feel more and more… that I am better off alone, as a single mother with my children. They need me, I am all that they have. They need my full attention and love. I already put them through enough with my last poor choice of a second marriage. I could not risk that again.

I do not believe I am currently even capable of having a healthy relationship with someone. I am too broken from what I have been through. I am too hurt, and I don’t want to burden someone else with my heartache. No one is strong enough to help me carry my baggage and pain. It is my burden of grief, and I must carry it.

This isn’t the most inspiring or uplifting message from me today. But it is honest and raw. And honestly… I am tired. I am coming up on ten years as a widow, and divorced for only a few months, but separated for more than a year.

And I am just… so dang tired.

I feel tired. I look tired. I am tired.

Love again?

I don’t think so.

Maybe when my kids are all grown in 15 years.

For now… it is time to be my own superhero.

The only one strong enough to deal with my load is me… and Jesus.

He is always there.