(Written April 7, 2023.)

I found this picture of me, from years after my first husband passed away, and right before I met my ex-husband.

This shirt I think applies to me — that I should be careful or I will end up in a novel!!

My life just keeps getting more and more bizarre as it goes on.

I have had multiple people ask me for advice lately about avoiding troubles in remarriage, etc., and I have no advice to offer…

Other than the one thing I know for sure and that is… KEEP MOVING FORWARD with FAITH… even if things fail in remarriage… and all your dreams and hopes for love again are dashed to pieces… and you wonder what in the world has happened… and how you got here to this point… you just KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!

I had done all the things to prepare myself for remarriage… I gave myself 4 years after my husband passed away. I took that time to develop myself, run a marathon, I learned to paint, I developed new talents, I shared old talents, I attended the temple frequently, I studied the scriptures daily, I taught gospel doctrine class, I would go on adventures with my family, I took time to heal and process grief, etc., etc. I worked to be the best version of myself that I could be, so I would be “whole” before offering myself to someone else.

But remarriage… as hard as I tried… it did not work out. I cannot share the details here. But they are details worthy of a novel for sure. And there was no amount of preparation that mattered in regards to making this particular remarriage attempt work.

To put it simply, I should have listened to the warning in my heart, but I didn’t listen. I was too lonely and longing for affection. And I walked in when I should have walked away…

There were some good times and sweet moments. But a lot of not so good times and not so sweet moments, to put it nicely.

Except… for my sweet miracle of my baby Johnathan. Who is 100% meant to be a part of my family. The Lord works in mysterious ways that I certainly don’t comprehend.

I never wanted to walk the earth alone, as a single widowed divorced mother of 5 children. But for some reason that is my path currently. My greatest desire was to have my first husband and my children and my WHOLE family… but that is not the path before me, it is a path behind me.

Now I walk this path alone once again. Without a companion and without a desire to ever try again because of the heartache from my recent experiences.

I am 43. It’s a long lonely road ahead it seems. But I know that the Lord will be with me, every step of the way. He always has been. He has never ever left me. Not ever.

At least my life will be an interesting story for family history purposes.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD with FAITH.