I was at church and I sat next to a lady that I love and respect.

She asked me how I was doing, and I started whining about some hard life things… (everyone loves to sit next to a whiner, right?)

I still whined.

After some life-explaining, I said to her, “I just can’t do it anymore.”

Her response shocked me…

She said, “Yes, you can, you just don’t want to.”

Wait, what?

No comforting words? Or an, “I am so sorry, that’s so hard?”

Hmmm… but she was right.

Darn it.

I don’t want to deal with some hard things… but I CAN do it. I can continue to endure the hard things in my life.

Do you know how I know?

Because I have survived 43 years so far, and I have dealt with every hard thing that has happened in those years. And I will continue to do so.

It is nice to get a comfortable, empathetic response from people when I complain or whine… I almost “demand” it now.

I have read the lists of what people should and shouldn’t say to widows or people who are struggling, for the last ten years. I feel like everyone must have the lists and should know how to perfectly respond by now, right?

Ha. Nope.

I still say the wrong things for comfort, too!

I was grateful for this lady and her boldness with me. Maybe she hadn’t read the list… maybe she doesn’t care about the list… but she said what I NEEDED to hear, not just what I wanted to hear.

And it was truth.

It takes guts for people to be bold sometimes. She wasn’t rude at all… just confident, and I knew it came from a place of love.

I believe in compassionate responses… but there is also a time for confident responses that might just be the answer that someone is looking for.

I have had people say things to me that hurt at the time… and then later, after some consideration, I could see the wisdom in what was shared. And those things have changed my life.

So, for those of you who feel like you can’t do it anymore… like I have felt… you can.

You really can.

And you will.

I will.

We all will.

I have been “widowing” for a long time…

I can do it. You can do it.

Even when we don’t want to.